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The Navy Lark - The Lighthouse Lark

'The British are famed for being able to weather a storm, with the exception of my Aunt Mildred - who at the first clap of thunder crouches under the stairs and knits something that doesnt fit anybody. However, when it rains on Commander Povey its doubtful if any storm could weather his raging fury....'


Commander Povey arrives at the island and complains about how Goldstein offered him a hand to get off the launch and then took it away as he stepped off the boat and so fell in the sea. To the reason for his visit, Povey then tells how the Dockyard Police suspect someone on the island is smuggling goods into the country, 'Surely not Sir, who on the island would go in for large scale smuggling?' - hmmm we wonder!.

WRN Chasen then phones with a call from The Admiral. He orders Povey to send Troutbridge to the Clodwilly Rock Lighthouse so that the lighthouse keeper can be replaced.

CPO Pertwee is in the stores with Ableseaman Johnson who is hard at work building what he thinks is an aeroplane, with plans he got from The Working Mans Aviary Club, 'You steaming great nit, these arn't plans for a aireoplane, their for a whacking great bird cage!'

We find it is CPO Pertwee that has been smuggling - big surprise there! - and his supplier, Pierre, is late with a shipment of clocks. While Pertwee is bemoaning his situation, he gets the call from No.1 telling him to ready Troutbridge to goto sea, which puts him in an even worse mood.

Troutbridge sets sail for the lighthouse, taking the new keeper, Mr Proudfoot, to replace the existing one, 'The old keeper will be glad to see you','Oh no He wont, He only took the job to get away from his wife!'. Goldstein informs them of the lighthouse's all too rapid approach, and when they arrive the new keeper is sent across in the sea boat with Phillips, Pertwee and Johnson. When the crew return from the lighthouse, No.1 tells them all well done,

'Ah well, it was nothing sir - just staunch devotion to duty in times of natures violence. In the interests of the service sir, its always a pleasure to equip ones self with ones obligatories and remain at ones post. When many a weaker man might be a broken reed and bent before the force of the raging. No sir its enough to know that a greatful nation is behind ones humble efforts to uphold the dignity...'

'Oh turn it up!'

They prepare to return to dock when they discover that they have left the wrong person on the island, and Mr Proudfoot is still aboard.



'Lower a boat Cheif, go and get Mr Phillips back.'

On the second attempt they retreive Mr Phillips, but again end up returning with Mr Proudfoot - and this time leaving the Cheif and Ableseaman Johnson on the lighthouse. Murray orders the ship back to the island, saying that it would be to dangerous to attempt another trip with the storm as bad as it is.

In the lighthouse, CPO Pertwee is stuck with no way to get his clocks and is worried that Pierre will turn up at the island and get caught. Johnson looks out of the window and discovers the light has gone out, 'maybe the people in the flat upstairs have pulled the curtains'. Pertwee then gets the idea that, as neither he and Johnson can light the lighthouse again they could find that, 'Something full of furs, whiskey and bullion has gone bump in the night'.

A week later, Troutbridge still hasnt recovered the two crewman because CPO Pertwee has been flying a danger flag telling them not to try to come to the lighthouse. No.1, seeing the sea is not dangerous decides to land at the lighthouse anyway and tells Mr Phillips to take Troutbridge in. As they head in, Murray asks where Mr Proudfoot is, 'well, the last I saw of him was when he waved to me from our jetty when we sailed so hes probably still um...Oh! I should have gone back for him, shudn't I'. Troutbridge arrives at the lighthouse.

A few hours after the crash, the crew are enjoying the lighthouse's hospitality, 'Ship's biscuit anyone?', except Ableseaman Johnson who has to fetch everyone the biscuits. There is a knock at the door and Pertwee's freind Pierre arrives with his clocks. Pertwee is unable to hide the scam from No.1, but luckily - the lighthouse is just outside the three mile limit, so it isnt illegal to bring goods there.

Pertwee is stuck, unable to take the clocks to the mainland to sell, and unable to get Pierre to give him a refund.

HMS Makepeace arrives with Commander Povey to recover Troutbridge and CPO Pertwee is left trying to sell his clocks to the crew.

Taking part were:

Commander Povey - Richard Caldicot

WREN Chasen - Heather Chasen

Ableseaman Johnson - Ronnie Barker

Commander Murray - Stephen Murray

CPO Pertwee - Jon Pertwee

SL Phillips - Leslie Phillips

Ableseaman Goldstein - Tenniel Evans

The Admiral - Tenniel Evans

Mr Proudfoot - Michael Bates

Pierre - Michael Bates

Written By: Laurie Wyman

Produced By: Alastair Scott Johnson

"The Island"

During the early series', the crew were based at an island just off Portsmouth, with Troutbridge being docked at the island, and CPO Pertwee mis-managing Stores. In later series, after Commader Murray became No.1, the crew moved to Portsmouth dockyard and were based aboard Troutbridge.